Monday, October 31, 2011

Sex and Love

I haven't had sex in a very long time. I'm happily living a domestic partnership with a boyfriend of almost four years, and I think we're happy with the way things are going. Maybe our relationship has progressed into something non-sexual. Which actually might seem weird to some. Yeah, I get the casual question from friends if there's something wrong in our relationship; they tell me, when sex is absent, then there must be something wrong. I tell them, says who? Who the fuck wrote the rules on making love when you're in a relationship?

 I've been into quite a number of relationships before this current one. My previous ones had TONS of sexual experiences which bordered on being nasty to being merely casual. I've probably tried everything there is about homosexual sex, and by this, I mean with just one partner only. No thanks, but I really cannot fathom why people go to threesomes or orgies. Maybe because it's just that sex for me has always been linked to love and romance and pleasure. And being an introvert, I feel that if I had sex with a crowd, I would feel lost.

From hereon, I'll call my boyfriend, Luigi. Makes sense eh?

Luigi is a great guy. I think one of the things why we fell in love with each other is that because we came from similar backgrounds. We both had our wild past--those pathetic flings, one-night stands, clubbing, having-sex-with-strangers kind of thing. And I guess we found ourselves equal on a lot of levels.

We had a freakingly awesome wild sex the day after we met. You know, the kind with loads of cum-swapping. And that was followed by a few more sexual routines until we found ourselves becoming more familiar with each other's bodies and minds that we went to just feel really at ease and happy when we just cuddle in bed.

The comfort level flew to the roof when we both started gaining weight. We saw our bodies looking from single-and-looking-for-fuck kind of body to hey-I'm-married-with-kids-so-what-gym-are-you-talking-about kind of torso. Eventually we found ourselves laughing at each other when we see each other naked. And instead of feeling hurt, being trampled on one's sense of vanity and all, we both felt just overwhelmingly at ease with each other's imperfect bodies.

And so, the sex dwindled down and we found ourselves feeling tired when we go to sleep. We have different work shifts; while I'm awake and horny, he's usually about to sleep and feel so tired. And vice-versa.

And that's really just okay. It FEELS okay. And I'm happy about it.

Sometimes, we often laugh at the times when we catch each other jerking off to some porn. It just happens that our sexual stirrings have different time zones.

Strange realization about this situation: I finally understood how sex and love are two totally different entities. While for some, sex and love are like entree and dessert, I feel that at one point, one will just overpower the other. While some might say they cannot live without sex, I am most definitely the opposite of that. I feel love makes more sense to me.

Strange also to be saying this, but out of all the times I had sex in the past, there's always that part of me which feels that sex is just sex for homosexuals. I could understand how straight people would say that sex is sacred and all those yadadada social constructs about sex, but hey, with homos, sex is ultimately, merely fucking. It's an act of pleasure and an act of love.

And being an act of love, sex is just a facet of what love is all about.

It feels slightly funny to be saying these things when homosexuals are usually regarded as extremely sexually active. And yeah, homos have more sex than straight guys. But this doesn't mean we can't live without it.

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World 1-1

I've always been fond of Super Mario. When I was a kid, the first time I saw the classic NES game, I immediately fell in love with this Italian plumber's cuteness; I've always been one of the shorter guys, and seeing a short game character growing up suddenly after getting the fancy mushroom definitely made an impact on me--it made me believe that I could power-up myself if I found my own mushroom in my world. I felt that Mario was a kindred spirit: I was young when I realized that I was gay and I felt like a lot of what was in my World 1-1 were obstacles to my flagpole: I would imagine myself stamping on the ugly goombas who blocked my way, and, oh boy, with fire flower, burn all those stupid turtle-looking koopa(l)s, who were too sheltered in their heads. I found myself feeling free when I played Super Mario.

Fast-forward to more than two decades of learning symbols in books and media, I find myself laughing at how the imageries in Super Mario could be viewed with homosexual undertones. For starters, what's up with the phallic mushrooms?

And don't get me started with the collecting of Flowers.

Notice also that Super Mario got more handsome through the years?

I remember I had a classmate in a computer class who strangely enough looked a lot like Mario. I remember wishing he were gay. Too bad there was a time I invited him and another classmate to watch the Oscar-winning musical, Chicago, which screams gay if you know what I mean. Seeing that he and the other guy classmate were really bored with the show, I accepted the fact that he was just too damn straight. Even before that, I knew that he was also married, but hey, I was naive and foolishly hoping that maybe there's a gay bone lurking somewhere in him.

I stopped playing Super Mario during high school, and it was only when the Wii came out with New Super Mario Bros. Wii that I felt nostalgic about how much I loved Super Mario.

Maybe he's the reason why I love Italian food so much and why I love men in uniform. Maybe he's the reason why I usually feel horny when I see random "Tubero" signs in the streets. Maybe he's the reason why I love guy's mushrooms (and I remember feeling giddy when some of my exes gave me flowers). Maybe he's the reason why I love collecting gadgets and traveling to new worlds. And maybe, he's the reason why I still go on even though there are no princesses in the castles of my world.

To hell with the oblivious princess. I'm happy with my mushrooms.

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