Sex and Love

I haven't had sex in a very long time. I'm happily living a domestic partnership with a boyfriend of almost four years, and I think we're happy with the way things are going. Maybe our relationship has progressed into something non-sexual. Which actually might seem weird to some. Yeah, I get the casual question from friends if there's something wrong in our relationship; they tell me, when sex is absent, then there must be something wrong. I tell them, says who? Who the fuck wrote the rules on making love when you're in a relationship?

 I've been into quite a number of relationships before this current one. My previous ones had TONS of sexual experiences which bordered on being nasty to being merely casual. I've probably tried everything there is about homosexual sex, and by this, I mean with just one partner only. No thanks, but I really cannot fathom why people go to threesomes or orgies. Maybe because it's just that sex for me has always been linked to love and romance and pleasure. And being an introvert, I feel that if I had sex with a crowd, I would feel lost.

From hereon, I'll call my boyfriend, Luigi. Makes sense eh?

Luigi is a great guy. I think one of the things why we fell in love with each other is that because we came from similar backgrounds. We both had our wild past--those pathetic flings, one-night stands, clubbing, having-sex-with-strangers kind of thing. And I guess we found ourselves equal on a lot of levels.

We had a freakingly awesome wild sex the day after we met. You know, the kind with loads of cum-swapping. And that was followed by a few more sexual routines until we found ourselves becoming more familiar with each other's bodies and minds that we went to just feel really at ease and happy when we just cuddle in bed.

The comfort level flew to the roof when we both started gaining weight. We saw our bodies looking from single-and-looking-for-fuck kind of body to hey-I'm-married-with-kids-so-what-gym-are-you-talking-about kind of torso. Eventually we found ourselves laughing at each other when we see each other naked. And instead of feeling hurt, being trampled on one's sense of vanity and all, we both felt just overwhelmingly at ease with each other's imperfect bodies.

And so, the sex dwindled down and we found ourselves feeling tired when we go to sleep. We have different work shifts; while I'm awake and horny, he's usually about to sleep and feel so tired. And vice-versa.

And that's really just okay. It FEELS okay. And I'm happy about it.

Sometimes, we often laugh at the times when we catch each other jerking off to some porn. It just happens that our sexual stirrings have different time zones.

Strange realization about this situation: I finally understood how sex and love are two totally different entities. While for some, sex and love are like entree and dessert, I feel that at one point, one will just overpower the other. While some might say they cannot live without sex, I am most definitely the opposite of that. I feel love makes more sense to me.

Strange also to be saying this, but out of all the times I had sex in the past, there's always that part of me which feels that sex is just sex for homosexuals. I could understand how straight people would say that sex is sacred and all those yadadada social constructs about sex, but hey, with homos, sex is ultimately, merely fucking. It's an act of pleasure and an act of love.

And being an act of love, sex is just a facet of what love is all about.

It feels slightly funny to be saying these things when homosexuals are usually regarded as extremely sexually active. And yeah, homos have more sex than straight guys. But this doesn't mean we can't live without it.



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