Sunday, November 20, 2011
Not a lot of my friends know this: Luigi experimented with drugs before. He tried a lot, he told me when we were still dating. Back then, I was really squeamish when somebody talked about illegal substances--I wasn't being too prude, but I did try marijuana before, and it didn't really hook me or anything. So when Luigi told me about his old drug problem, I told him that I would probably stop seeing him if he tried drugs again. That was about four years ago.
Somewhat related fact: he admitted before that he was clinically diagnosed as a bipolar. At first, I didn't want to believe him, but I did notice that his mood swings were really crazy. I began seeing his mood too clearly: I know when he's happy and he laughs at the silliest things and I also can smell his depression from a mile away.
Two years ago, he underwent about two months of depression. He wasn't happy with his work and he had a colleague who was flirting with him. He told me that the guy was taken so I shouldn't be worried. But one day, I came home and found him staring at the laptop with all of the lights in the apartment turned off. His eyes were glued to the screen. I didn't mind him at first. But minutes later, when I asked him about dinner, I saw that he had this strange look in his eyes. His pupils were dilated. I didn't have to guess, but I knew that he was high.
It was extremely hard for me to swallow my pride and my principles/values and told myself that I should help him rather than break up with him for this troubling mishap. I asked him for the truth and he did tell me. I told him that he should talk to me rather than resort to using drugs. I went out of the house and walked and prayed for him. I reflected on how much I loved Luigi and I realized that my love for him was powerful enough not to be swayed by this weakness. I love him not just for his strengths but also for all his weaknesses and strange idiosyncracies.
We pulled through that crisis and we promised each other that we would be honest about our problems. He promised to be clean from then on. I prayed for that promise not to be broken. And I prayed for strength if the promise goes to the dogs.
All was well until the past few days... he's been telling me that he's getting depressed again. Good thing was that he told me about his situation and that he's looking for a psychiatrist and that he really does want to get help. He seemed brutally honest, so I trusted him and just agreed to what he planned to do.
Last night, after dinner, near midnight, I was slightly annoyed that we had to go look for an open Mercury drugstore to buy his Prozac or something like that, an anti-depressant. I asked him if he could wait until Sunday to buy his meds. He told me he wouldn't feel right until he knew he bought them. We found three closed Mercury drugstores in Cubao and found the one near EDSA-Aurora intersection open past midnight. He bought 30 tablets and after purchasing them, I saw his face looking relieved.
We went home, and I was happy that he was happy and felt calm. He fell asleep instantly without drinking his prized capsules and tablets. Better with legal ones than getting high with you-know-what.
This might sound strange but this complication in Luigi never fails to make me fall for him. I think I can use a cliche and pull a Ke$ha and say that his love is really my drug. Maybe I need a shrink, too.
Posted by Super Mario P. at 11:41 PM